How to check on a parent who lives alone

Know the risk you are covering

The CDC says over 14 million, or 1 in 4, older adults report falling every year.¹ Falls among adults 65 and older caused over 43,000 deaths in 2024. Falls were the leading cause of injury death for that group.² When your mom lives alone, the specific risk is a fall where she cannot get up and nobody knows.

The National Institute on Aging advises anyone who may fall to keep a charged phone with them at all times. It also advises arranging daily contact with a family member or friend.³ Use the options below to make that daily contact more reliable.

Talk with your mom before you set anything up

If you check on Mom without her agreement, you damage trust. The plan also usually fails because she can switch the device off. The NCOA's advice on medical alert devices fits every option here. The NCOA says to "involve them in the discussion and ultimate decision" instead of deciding for them.⁴

1. 1
   Pick a calm moment

   Hold the family conversation when there is no emergency.⁵ Avoid raising the topic the day after a scare if you can.

2. 2
   Start with your own worry

   The NIA suggests that you mention your concern without sounding critical. Then try to meet her wishes as far as possible.⁶ Say "I worry that if you fell, nobody would know until evening." Avoid "You can't manage alone."

3. 3
   Let her choose and start small

   Offer two or three options from the table below. Begin with the least intrusive one she accepts.

4. 4
   Review it together

   Agree on a date, a month or two out, to ask what is working and what feels like too much. She can change her mind.

Compare six options from least to most intrusive

Set up calls and daily check-in programs

Regular calls are the baseline. Agree on a schedule, for example a short call every morning by 10 and a longer one on Sunday. If siblings share the calls, put them on a shared calendar. The NIA suggests this for long-distance caregivers.¹⁰ Decide in advance what to do if she does not answer. For example, call again and then call a neighbor.

Daily check-in call programs make the morning call automatic. In Winter Park, Florida, the police department's free Are You OK program calls residents who enroll at a time they choose. If nobody answers after a second try, a dispatcher calls. If that fails, an officer goes to check.⁷ Many local police departments and sheriffs run similar programs. They usually serve only their own residents. Call the non-emergency number where your mom lives. You can also search the Eldercare Locator at 800-677-1116.⁶

Use shared location and smartwatches

Shared location lets your mom share where her iPhone is through Find My, for an hour, a day or indefinitely. She can stop sharing with one person at any time.⁸ Shared location tells you she got home from the store. It does not tell you she is all right once she is there.

A smartwatch covers the fall itself. Apple Watch detects a hard fall. If she then stays still for about a minute, the watch calls emergency services and texts her location to her emergency contacts.¹¹ Apple also says the watch "cannot detect all falls".¹¹ Check In on Apple Watch can notify you when she arrives somewhere or when a timer runs out.¹² The watch helps only if she wears and charges it every day. See Apple Watch fall detection for a parent for the settings. Read medical alert vs Apple Watch if a button and call center suit her better.

Weigh home sensors and cameras

Motion and door sensors show activity, such as the kitchen in use by 9 or the front door opening. No movement for hours can be a warning sign. Sensors cannot tell a fall from a nap. They need setup, an internet connection and an app. Check the device price and any monthly fee before you buy.

Video cameras are the most intrusive option. A parent who did not agree to a camera will notice it or unplug it. If your mom does want one, follow these rules.

• Never put a camera in a bathroom or bedroom.
• Point it at an entrance or hallway. Keep it away from where she sits all day.
• Agree on who can view it and when. Let her turn it off when she has visitors.
• Tell visitors and helpers that a camera is there.

Ask neighbors and local contacts to help

Start with a person nearby who has a key. A device cannot open her door or help her up. The NIA suggests that, with your mom's permission, you contact people who see her regularly. These include neighbors, friends or local relatives. Ask them to call you with any concerns.⁶

• Ask one or two neighbors if they would knock when the curtains stay closed or the mail piles up.
• Keep a shared list of their phone numbers with your siblings.¹⁰
• Leave a spare key with someone she trusts to let help get in.
• If you live in another country, add her local emergency number to the list. Our guide on caring for a parent from abroad covers the rest.

Take the free living-alone check to see where she stands before you choose. The check uses the CDC's STEADI questions and takes a few minutes.